Its not depression or sadness. Or at least anymore. I've had some down days and i was able to not binge eat at all.
Its stress. I had a super stressful week at work. These go with the territory in IT Project Management. Its never "average." You're either crusing along, wordsmithing requirements documents, or you're dealing with five projects at once and all of them are hitting "risk events." And so I spent the entire week putting out brush fires. And I'm stressed. And I used food to deal with the stress. I was so stressed out that I couldn't even stay on the stairmaster, I couldn't concentrate. Running helped, but then i went home and ate everything in the house during the commercials on American Idol.
But Friday, when a particularly heinous moment happened, I hung up the phone and announced to everybody in my cube farm: "I will not use food to deal with stress. I will not use food to deal with stress. I will not use food to deal with stress." They all laughed WITH me. I went to get a cup of coffee. Coffee is a drug, not food. I can deal with drugs and I know when to stop. Make no mistake, coffee is a drug. And its the wrong drug to deal with stress! But at least I didn't run to the cafeteria and get food.
What's significant is that I stopped myself. I have slipped before and I'll slip again, but I know its possible to identify and stop myself. I went to work out yesterday afterwards and I'm still stressed out about work, but I came home and had some nice jambalaya from a mix with this really good turkey smoked sausage in it, and a pile of steamed broccoli, and I felt good that I made it through a stressful day and did not go overboard on the food. And I pretty much passed out well before 9 pm, despite all the coffee I drank. Obviously I need to be listening to my body because its screaming at me: "GET SOME REST! QUIT PUSHING ME SO HARD and LAY OFF THE CAFFEINE."