Saturday, March 31, 2007

Not posting doesn't make those three pounds go away

I'm still stress eating, eating stupidly, and I'm up three pounds.

And I've put off this post saying so.

Ugh, what is the blog if I can't be accountable to it?

I don't have time to get all introspective, but at least I've posted. I've got this flickr photo show coming up, and on the good side, I've got the Danskin Triathlon I've decided to start training for. But I've had to take a break already because I've got a nasty sinus infection, that I hope will clear up by the end of this dreary weekend.

The V'ron you know will be back soon, but for now, I'm just going to try to stay in control, get back on track, get this photo show and this show with my band out of the way, and then look back and see how i could have handled this better. I'm not in a position to self-evaluate very well right now.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Creeping up

3/15/2007 - 174.6, up 0.2. Last week was terrible. Ate way too much and all the wrong foods, barely got out. I was lucky to get about 4 miles of walking in on Sunday afternoon. I was supposed to walk 10 miles on Saturday. A lot of comfort eating and then a lot of "I've already blown it, so eat it all and get it out of my system and out of the house" eating. What "saved" me was tooth infection. A tooth with a root canal got infected and was suddenly causing major pain. Had to have oral surgery and then could only eat soft, cold things for a day or so. WW Frozen Fudge bars!!

3/22/2007 - 175.0, up 0.4. Spaghetti dinner at school last Thursdayt night. Breakfast with the girls Friday morning, St Pat's luncheon Friday noon, game night with friends on Saturday. Other bad eating. Got out a little more. Did a 7 mile walk at the mall with a couple friends. But still haven't trouble dragging my butt out of bed in the morning to exercise. I know I'm not getting enough sleep, so I don't blame my body. Maybe I can "catch up" this weekend. Ha! Like that ever happens.

Lighten up Wisconsin. We just finished month 2 last week. The leaderboard should be updated soon. Our team was right in the middle of the list on both weight and activity last month. We're all having trouble motivating ourselves and sticking with our eating and exercise plans. I'm too tired to care right now. But I have to shape up soon if I want to meet any of my LUW goals or overall weight loss goals. When I hit the next 5 pounds, I'm getting a new sports bra. And I so need a really decent, supportive one. I gotta get motivated for this, or I'm never going to get beyond and get my Magic Bullet.

First real bike ride of the season

Spring really is here! I took the bike out on Sunday and as you can see, blasted out on a good almost two hour ride. I'm a little disappointed in my average speed, but somethign to work for.
I usually wait until Easter for the shakedown cruise, but the weather called out to me. It's like breaking other rules in my life, like those fat girl rules the Angry Fat Girls talked about (and I've mentioned here, too). I already broke in Bike Butt. And maybe it was the ride, but I did drop two pounds this week. Down to 220, fat %46.1

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Stress eating

I've got a lot going on, don't really have time for long insightful weightloss blogging, I'm up 2 pounds, fat percentage stays the same, I'm late for wednesday weight in, and I'm stress eating.

That is all.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Donut desires

174.4, up 2.2. Not surprised, but disappointed since I really wasn't "bad" this week. I did treat myself to one fru-fru drink at Cheeseburger in Paradise on Saturday, but had a reasonable meal and only a few sweet potato chips that came with my entrée (instead of ordering a whole appetizer as usual). We did have lava cakes at home afterwards. Should have counted the points first and shared with the kids instead of eating mine plus a portion of my daughter's), but at least they are out of the house now!! It's just that time of the month and even though I've kept pretty good reign over my ravenous appetite, I have had no energy to get up early to exercise or stay up late to do my walking training. I misplaced my tracker for a few days, so maybe I wasn't as good as I want to think. Or maybe it's just water retention?! At least I've gotten out walking at lunch each day and aim for at least 3 sets of stairs a day (4-6 flights each time). Well, "that time" has almost passed and I'm just waiting for the energy bounce to kick in.

Tomorrow is payday and I've been craving a donut. I'm considering working one into my week. I've been so good with not eating payday treats. I've probably only eaten a handful in the year and a half that I've been doing WW. If I do it, I'm going to eat it slowly and savor every bite. I should make a rule that I only get it if I actually get up and exercise tomorrow. And I should study up tonight to see what the point values are for the different kinds and decide how many I'm willing to spend. OK, that's too passive. I WILL follow the rule that I must exercise and I WILL decide tonight which lower point donut I can have. After all that I might decide it isn't worth the points, but I've been putting off this craving all week, and sometimes I do deserve to eat something bad just for the sheer pleasure. I don’t want to live in a world where I can't have an occasional donut.

Cleaning the Car

I know its Thursday and thus I'm late for "Wednesday Weigh In." I'm up one pound (220), my fat % is around the same (46.0), I'm riding the rickshaw, and I've just been eating out of control, as evidenced by the crap in my car.

I just cleaned out my car this morning (because its going to the shop today, and I can't bear for it to be filled with crap while they work on it) and it hit me how mindlessly I'm shoveling crap into my mouth. You should never eat in the car, say all the weightloss gurus. They're right. But I've been so busy, running around with a lot of stuff going on in my life. I'm not sleeping enough, and I'm too tired to cook well, which means I'm not eating well.

This morning I cleaned the following out of my car:
  • A few "Take Five" candy wrappers
  • A empty box of Girl Scout Lemon Cookies (Stella helped with this. I didn't eat the whole box. A large portion of it, tho.) They're changed the formula. They're really good.
  • Bags from Arby's, McDonald's and Wendy's. And the accompanying wrappers for medium roast beef, cheesburgers, and fries. Fries! I'm so sure I'm ordering fries.
  • Empty cans of soda. At least its diet soda. But still.
  • An empty bottle of Aquifina Splash
  • An empty box of Tic Tacs
  • Four empty bic lighters
  • A nasty sippy cup with chocolate milk that has since turned into chocolate cheese
  • A bazillion individual Starburst wrappers

OK, some of this I can attribute to Stella and Sam (the starburst wrappers and the nasty sippy cup, respectively.) But otherwise no. This explains a lot. You don't update your food tracker whilst driving, and its like I'm eating this crap like, "I'm driving so it doesn't count!" Oh, what a newbie thing to do. I'm really ashamed. I deserve this weight gain. I needed a wake up call, and nothing wakes you up like cleaning the crap out of your car on an early winter's morning.

In other news, my band has booked a gig. For late April. Looks like I'll be above 200 for that, but then again, its a good thing to violate of the Fat Girl Rules, namely, "I can't try to work on any other goals until I get rid of this fat" which I modify to: "I'll wait till I'm thin to get on with my life." No, I'm not waiting until I'm thin. Losing the weight needs to be a side effect of life changes, not the catalyst.

Friday, March 02, 2007

172.2, down 4.4. So close to next 5. My friend and I both have 0.4 to go for next 5, so next week we'll get it! This week I barely touched my flex points. I generally try to eat all my daily points and the extra activity points each day, but leave the flex points alone. The walking training is in full swing and I'm sure it helping. And it was just so cool to watch the scale go down this week. I think my body was ready to dump this weight. I'm finally making these lifestyle changes and making them stick. We'll see how well my resolve stays during restaurant meals and social events.

Breakfast and lunch are pretty routine. Protein shake or high fiber cereal in the morning. 5 veggies, 2-3 fruit and a protein shake or frozen WW or LC 3-5 pt meal are in my lunch bag to snack on throughout the day and at lunch. Veggies must be eaten first to load up on all the 0 point foods. Marinated beets are 1 pt, but I get one healthy oil in with them. I now make a roasted veggie recipe every week that I love and it's still 0 points, too. Gary found that vanilla Slimfast + Target's sugar-free fiber powder mixed with water tastes like a dreamsicle. It is pretty good and now that's breakfast on most days. This still leaves me with many points for the evening and I don't feel deprived.

My sister gave me a sweater and shirt for Christmas that I really like, but felt my gut still showed too much so I haven't worn them. Finally re-tried the sweater today and it looks pretty good so I'm wearing it at work. Not too clingy in the middle so I can "hide" the fat as has been discussed on these pages before. My plan is to be way too small to wear this sweater next year, so I wanted to make sure I wore it now.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Perfect Skin

Ugh. I'm up a few pounds. Three to be exact. But my fat % is way down, and my net fat is thus still down from last week so I suspect the Rickshaw driver is coming and I'm just loaded with water bloat.

Numbers: 219 (uggghghghghghg!!!!), fat percentage 44%. Normally these numbers would really bum me out, but I've got bigger fish to fry. In fact, I'm having a crisis.

This Saturday I have a photo and video shoot for this photography gallery show I'm doing with some local photographic artists. Fat? Nothing a black turtleneck and a omniprescent stare into the camera can't solve. Hair? I'm getting this cut and color I desperately need later in the day (I know, why not before? Because scheduling on both the videographer's and my hairdresser's parts conspired for this not to be) but nothing I can't correct with a scarf or well-chosen millinery.

But yesterday, I felt something hurting on my cheek. It's a zit. A giant, freaking, cystic zit. Not on my forehead, where I can cover it with the aforementioned scarf or hat. No, its on my cheek. On my good side. I've never had a zit there. NEVER. And it's not any old zit. It's huge, and its red. It looks like the button the president pushes to start World War III.
I know, I lead a charmed life if having a zit before a photo session is a crisis. But here's the thing. Look, I've always thought I was fat, even when I wasn't fat. But I do have some things I feel good and attractive and beautiful about, and the big one is that I've always, ALWAYS had perfect skin. PERFECT SKIN, people. Facials are a luxury for me, not a necessity. I don't even know how to pronounce "dermatologist." I have a mole, yes, but its right on that part of my face where Cindy Crawford and Marilyn's is, so a touch of red lipstick and the mole only accentuates via contrast just how perfect, my skin is. The Aveda blemish lotion that normally clears up these things isn't working. So what if I put on a few pounds this week? I'm headed for a photo shoot this weekend and I don't have perfect skin. Look how this is getting to me. I'm going overboard with the italics. Short of sitting in the steam room at the Y, what's a girl to do?