Thursday, June 28, 2007

Countdown to Tri

Numbers first: 215.8, down 2.2. That's what traning will do for you.

Racing slicks put on bike, new chain, new rear cassette, complete tune-up. Check.

New running shoes. Wow, you don't realize how bad the old ones are until you're in the running store trying on new ones. Wow! I love new running shoes. Check.

Bought a bunch of carbo-gels at Jennifer's adivce: "Learn which ones don't make you throw up BEFORE the race." Check.

OK, triathlon in 2 weeks.

OH, BTW, just to be a bitch, I posted this entry at my regular blog. I know, I should give this a rest but I couldn't resist.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

I could and I should and I DID

Numbers first. 218, so I'm up about a pound.

OK, so get this. I'm at a conference this week for work, it's a conference about web content management. Overall it was pretty good. There were more marketing people there than IT people, and since I'm being assigned to a lot of marketing projects, it was a good exercise in my learning about their world. There were a few dud sessions, and there were a lot that spoke to me more as an individual web denizen rather than the corporate project manager I was sent there to be.

I know, I know, I'm talking about work in my fat blog. But there's a point coming up -- and that is, can I NOT go anywhere where I'm reminded about fat in this world? At least the last time I hit a conference and fat was brought up, it was by a speaker who used her diet as an example of project management and it was positive. This time around, I had to deal with some speaker's fat hatred.

This Howard Tullman guy had an impressive enough resume -- apparently he pretty much saved Kendall College from dying by eliminating some programs and beefing up others -- namely their culinary program. His speech topic for us was pretty broad (in that it didn't address web content management) "Managing Radical Change in Turbulent Times." He may be a good administrator, he might have some radical management ideas, but he has tired, cliché ways of making a point. Really, his powerpoint presentation was basically a series of (as he admitted) "fortune cookie sayings" that frankly, if I needed to see that, I would have simply sent for my free "Successories" catalog.

Can you tell he lost me early in his speech, and I therefore spent the rest of the speech nit-picking all the things about him I didn't like?

Here it was: he mentioned early on that one of the programs they eliminated from Kendall College was the athletic programs. Was it because they weren't bringing in revenue? Was it because they weren't cost-effective? No, according to Tullman's speech, 400-pound culinary students don't really care about volleyball!

Huh? I was left wondering, well, do 127-pound culinary students have an interest in volleyball? Were/Are Kendall's culinary student body made up of entirely obese students? Are all culinary students therefore obese? Of course! Only fat people know how to cook food, right? And thin people don't eat that much, therefore they must not not cook well, because why? Why would they actually enjoy making excellent food prepared well? They certainly don't eat it! They're too busy playing volleyball!

I'm going off on this because Tullman made reference to his 400-pound students several times in his vulgar language spewn speech. (Granted, I cuss with the saltiest of sailors myself, especially when I'm fronting my punk band. But I don't do it in a ballroom full of business professionals. To coin a cliché fortune cookie phrase, the type of which Tullman is so fond, "Vulgarity is the vernacular of the inarticulate." But remember, he already lost me early on, so I'm nit-picking.) At least four times he dropped little digs about his 400-pound culinary students, their lack of athleticism, their propensity to eat. You could tell he was disgusted by them -- disgusted by his own student body, the very people who paid his salary with their tuition dollars. But still, I stayed in that room until the final groaner, when he was rattling off yet another cliché: "Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should." And what image did he use to make this point? Was it a picture of the Homermobile, that atrocious car Homer Simpson designed for his brother's car company?. That would have been an effective, humorous way to make his point.

No, it was a photograph of a very large woman in a string bikini, drawing groans and moans from the audience (I'm sure some in shock, some in disgust), so much so that even Tullman knew it was tasteless and quickly clicked to the next slide full of "You Can't Have Value If You Don't Have Values" type cliches.

Howard, was this absolutely necessary? You've already established your distaste for fat people. Did you have to nail it home, with a tired, everybody-knows-that-fat-people-shouldn't-show-their-cellulite-in-public sentiment? You couldn't make your point without resorting to this? But why should I be surprised? You couldn't make your point without resorting to cliches and foul language, either. I complained to one of the event organizers, and I was going to email Tullman himself, but I decided to put into practice one of the things I learned in this conference: the best way to get your name out there is to get blogged about it! (Try it, fellow bloggers! Google up some topics you've written about. Don't be surprised if blogs, especially your own blog, turns up early on the Google hit list! I'm not even that popular a blogger -- I'm no Wendy McClure and yet my regular blog turned up above the fold on a bunch of topics I wrote about!) So I decided to write about Howard Tullman here, where I can do some damage. Woo Hoo! Be careful what you wish for, dude, you just might get it!

Anyway, here's a picture of me the next morning. I was in Chicago, and believe it or not, while I grew up in the Chicago 'burbs, I have not yet seen "the bean" at Millenium Park, but I still wanted to get a run in. After all, whether Tullman believes it or not, this 218-pound fat person who shouldn't be wearing a swimsuit in public (but I can and I do, so put that in your culinary school menu and eat it!) has a triathalon in two weeks to be in condition for. So I got up early, grabbed my camera, and ran from my hotel in the Loop to Millenium Park to do some shooting while simultaneously getting a cardio workout in. It felt great. I was actually amazed that by 6:00 a.m., the Loop was still fairly dead, nobody to point at my flabby abdomen jiggling as I thawumped down Randolph Street to Millenium/Grant Park, snapping off shots. And there was "the Bean," the local nickname for Anish Kapoor's "Cloud Gate" -- a beautiful sculpture, which like Milwaukee's Santiago Calatrava-designed Art Museum wing, screams to be photographed. Actually, it screams "Take a Self Portrait That Looks Like You Just Bought a Funky Wide Angle Lens" because of the lovely curves. And so I did, the photo that accompanies this post. Like other photos I've posted here, it's not the most flattering of me ever, but I like it anyway. It was a ridiculously humid morning, so I'm even sweatier than I usually get after running an hour. My face is clean and makeup free, my heart has quickly (I'm proud of this) returned to its resting rate, and I'm wonderfully spent and enjoying this amazingly interactive piece of public art. I actually felt accomplished, beautiful, athletic, working toward a goal that had nothing to do with weight, with whether I should be doing this or not. I like this picture of me not because I should (I shouldn't, for the sweat the you can probably smell off this web page) but because I think it captures a bit of my own surprise and pleased-with-myselfness that I think it radiates. A year ago, I would have never thought I could, much less should, run through the Loop to Millenium Park at six in the morning to get a workout in. Less than a year ago, I never took a self portrait because of Tullman's attitude that overweight people shouldn't show themselves, that we are too ugly to be seen. Now I take them all the time, examining my own beauty in unliklely settings, despite the fact that some people don't think I should. I ran to Millenium Park with my camera, I took this picture of myself sweaty and un-made up, I published it and posted this on my blog simply because I could. Because, Howard, you blowhard, just because you can do something is very often good enough reason to do it.

Time I caught my flabby arms and my big "mom gut" in the window reflection, I thought to myself "this is going to be a long road".


Stayed within range yesterday, made great choices, kept up my walking.....this is all I can realistically do. Must leave the rest to time and to nature and NOT GIVE UP.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

No Change, but Not Discouraged

Weigh in # 5 - up .6. I consider that no loss or gain because it's most likely water weight or the jeans I had on.

I'm not discouraged. I've changed many habits and attitudes. Dinner last night was good. Small portion of spaghetti, one meatball, one (well, ok two) glass of nice red wine, salad, good conversation and company. Chewed slowly and enjoyed.

Walk this morning was nice.

Press on....

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Secrets of the French Women

Week 5 weigh in is tonight. Some thoughts before I "weigh in" tomorrow.

The French women are all skinny. Fat French Women do not exist. They have methods and secrets. My sister lives in Paris now and shared a few with me:

1. First, they watch HOW MUCH they eat. Period. They acknowledge the fact that they can't just eat whatever, whenever. This is an ongoing thing for them. A life commitment.
2. They allow themselves treats, but then make up for it the next few days.
4. They have "meals". "Meal" meaning they sit down with other people, have conversation, and truly enjoy the experience. I've found that when we sit down to a nice family meal or to a meal with friends, I tend to eat less, eat better, eat slower, and enjoy each bite.
5. They favor quality over quantity.
6. They drink wine in moderation. No sick drunken displays. My sister claimes she's never seen a drunk French woman.

Those chic bitches!


Friday, June 15, 2007

Prom Queen Sized

Originally uploaded by sbug.

EDITED on 6/16 to swap out the photo. I already used Jake's in the previous regular blog post, so I'm using Sbug's for variety here.....

anyway, back to the non edited text....
Numbers for for Wednesday (ha!) weigh in. 217. Down 1. Not bad.... I guess. Still not paying as close attentino as I should.

This is me doing the the Riverwest Beer Run at Locust Street Festival. Locust street is the thoroughfare in the middle of the the student/artist boho neighborhood in Milwaukee where I used to live. The Beer Run is as, (as I write in the blog in the above referenced link) prepsterous as it sounds -- a 1.8 mile race with four beer stops. Me and my girlfriends decided that if you're going to run through a neighborhood drinking a beer on a Sunday morning, you might as well do it wearing evening gowns and tiaras.

Well, it was this nice little warmup to the Danskin Tri I'm doing in a couple of weeks, but it's actually underscored my problem lately. And that is, being fat isn't stopping me from being myself, from doing the things I want to do, etc. So I'm not trying as hard. I just don't like being fat in and of itself, its uncomfortable, there was a prom dress that would have been even more perfect that didn't fit, (I know, that's the least of my worried), but heck, I got my band going, I RAN the whole beer run, Jesus, I'm running a triathlon in a few weeks. Being fat isn't ruining my life.

But it is hampering it a bit....but beinig Queen sized isn't stopping it. And that's my problem. I'm unhappy being fat in and of myself, but it's not stopping me from living, and thus I'm not as motivated to really pay attention to my eating habits.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Chipotle - RU Kidding Me?

Rumors tell me that Chipotle is a horror in terms of WW Points. Rumors do come true.

According to this, the Veggie Fajita Burrito I had for lunch is 40 POINTS! 1718 Calories! 79 Grams of Fat! I asked them to just dust the cheese and sour cream so maybe that gives me a point or two. The tortilla alone is 330 calories!


"Get Real" strategy is: If you're invited to Chipotle, you order a Bowl (sans tortilla), have them skip the cheese and sour cream altogether and eat 1/4 of it...maybe a third at best....

BTW - Down 6.4 in 4 weeks and feeling good.....

Friday, June 08, 2007

Time to catch up

When's the last time I posted? Probably at 60 lbs lost. Well, I'm back to 55 lbs lost as of yesterday. I'm totally not following program, but feel I'm maintaining. Accomplishments since last post are finishing my second Syttende Mai walk (17 miles) on May 19 in 4 hrs 31 mins and my first marathon, Walk Wisconsin marathon in Stevens Point (full 26.2 miles) on Jun 2. Finished in 7 hrs 50 mins. Our time could have been better, but it rained on us and we needed some breaks to change socks, apply bandaids. And we stopped for some pictures at mile marker 26. I met another solitary woman walker right before we started and so she and I walked the whole thing together. It really made the time fly in a way my books on mp3 would not have. And now I have a new walking friend, although she lives in Muskego, so it may be a while before we walk together again. Gar and kids met me at the finish line and the kids want to do the quarter marathon next year. Since I walk a 10K every Tuesday with the Dairyland Walkers, I need to start them on some short walks and hopefully they can join me on some Tuesday nights later in the summer. Gar and I are planning on going on a Fall Color Walking Tour with the Dairyland Walkers in October. Eight 10K walks in 5 days in WI, MN, and MI. My sister and her husband will fly out to watch the kids so we can get some couple time for the first time in years!

Big driving vacation coming up in the first couple weeks of July. I wanted to be all skinny for my sister's wedding, but I'm sure I'll be right about where I am now. And with road food for much of the trip, I'll be happy if I just maintain.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

Lose a Weight Watcher Point While You're At It

"Lose yourself in a moment." Yeah, right. Wish I could lose at least 25% of me in a moment.

My cubbie mate said the other day, "I've got to give Weight Watchers another try." And she inspired me to just go back to journaling my food again. Especially the part about "And I'm going to log this Dove Chocolate thing, even," she said. "It's a point."

A whole friggin point, just to lose myself in an all-too-short moment.

Anyway. numbers. 218.6. Up a little over a half pound. Could be worse. I've been loseing myself in too many moments. But I logged this one today.

That is all.