Thursday, July 20, 2006

Divesting in my Fat

I was thinking this morning about what's more satisfying: buying new clothes in a smaller size, or putting on something that hasn't fit in a long time. Because the latter happened!

I have a boatload of clothes in my closet that I got when I first got my current job. I needed to take it a step up from the dowdy english professor look I got away with as a administrative assistant at a university. So I have a few suits, and about a week's worth of mix and match pieces that were somewhat fitted. One particular favorite was this asian-inspired tunic (everything but the nehru collar) and I about cried a few months after I had Stella, when not only would it not button up front, but the arms were way too tight to put on. For the first time in 8 years, I put it on this week, and it fit. It fit well, as a matter of fact.

Its significant for me, because its not just some new item that I can wear. It represents hope, hope that I thought was a pipe dream. You see those "clean out your clutter" things that advise you to throw out anything you haven't worn in the past year. But I never did, because it wasn't that I don't like them anymore, its not that they're out of style (which is rarely a consideration for me anyway, I wear what I like), it was that they didn't fit anymore. And that "clean out your clutter" advice would have been like saying "And it never will fit, so give up and just accept this." I never did, and I'm glad. I have things I ordered online years ago that didn't fit, but was too lazy to send back (I've gotten over this lazyness lately!). Its now gone beyond a "chance" that they will ever fit. "Chance" has slowly turned into "inevitable." So I'll put up with the clutter now, and just get rid of the fat clothes later instead.

So, there, I've answered my own question. I think this is more satisfying than buying something new (which I have done in the past month, BTW). Right now, buying something new is fun, but I'm still at a point where I don't want to do too much of that. Buying something in a "still fat" size is, as they say, permission to stay fat. I call it an investment, and I don't want to invest in my fat. I'm trying to divest in it.

Then again, it was nice to order those smaller sized Old Navy pants a couple of months back. By the time I shrink out of them, I should be good and sick of them, and they're cheap anyway. But I'm just going to have to lose weight to fit back into my nice suits, and no new suits until I'm where I want to be. I have plenty in every phase until then, and unless you're rich, who buys anything but a classic, timeless suit anyway?

1 comment:

Amy said...

i got rid of my skinny clothes before i started losing, and then i got rid of my fat clothes. so now i'm naked. but it is fun to go shopping.