Wednesday, April 25, 2007

For some reason, I'm not stressed about tomorrow

Well, I have some catching up to do, eh? I blew off last week, but there was nothing new. I was at 224, and I know now to blame this completely on stress. Because after the my art opening I ate normal, I exercised, I could feel the stress falling out of my body and I'm down this week, almost 3 and a half pounds, down to 220.6. If I've learned anything through this, its that I'm a stress eater and I have to find a better way to deal with that.

In the meantime, remember all these posts about getting the band back together? I'm not nearly as nervous about our first show in 8 years tomorrow night as I was about the art opening. Maybe it's because I'm used to this sort of thing. Maybe it's because it’s a small club, I didn't promote it that heavily, and the audience will be comprised mostly of friends and fans. Or maybe I'm just more comfortable on a stage than on a wall.

The thing is, and I've discussed this before here, is I have a certain persona on stage. She's a tough, detached, cynical bitch. It's a very nice costume to wear when singing songs that I suspect a lot of people don't realize are highly personal. I didn't have a persona at the gallery opening. It was just me, my photos up on those walls, pictures of audiences staring back at me. I felt naked, without a safe little costume protecting my soul. The good thing about this rock and roll costume, thought, is (unlike my fat), it's fairly healthy. I can slip in and out of it fairly easily, and its not too far from me. And I suspect most folks can see right through it anyway. I even have a new song that covers this fact. It's called "I Can't Play Poker For Shit."

The triathlon training is now going. I've taken baseline times in each of the three disciplines, and I can finish them all separately, easily. So now the training focuses more on strength and endurance. I already know I can do it. Now I just want to get a respectable time for a large woman in her 40 doing her first tri. I know they say "You won't be the last to cross the finish line," because they get Sally Edwards, this triathlon training expert, to always be the last person to cross the line. Well and good, but the symbolism is lost on me. She's not finishing last because she's slow. It's not like she probably couldn't even WIN this thing. She just does this symbolic crossing of the line last. Well, I don't want to be second to last, either. And I feel bad for that penultimate finisher, but it's not going to be me.

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