Wednesday, March 29, 2006


The family had a nice long weekend vacation in Appleton the last 4 days. We did a lot of fun kid stuff and some fun adult stuff and lots of walking throughout. And we ate a lot of stuff. I did pack healthy snacks and insisted on some healthy choices at most meals. (Found out Wendy's has some decent options for sides for the kids and adults.) I tried to do salads at many meals, but one can only do so many salads. So I indulged. And it was great. I had some fun drinks and I ate some ribs and steak. And one glorious baked potato with real butter and salted on the outside (I never was a fan of the salted potato before, but now that salt is a rarity in my daily food, it just wows me). My scale was up 6 pounds this morning from last Saturday, but I have no regrets. I have today to redeem myself before tomorrow's weigh-in. Luckily I made a huge pot of the WW zero point veggie soup last week. That may be my lunch everyday until I get these pounds off.

WWI: Much to celebrate, weight #s not among it

223.6. 45.9% fat. Up 2.8 from last week. This should bum me out, but it doesn't. I'm still too giddy from those pants I tried on yesterday -- I'm wearing them now. Please, no comments about "well, Old Navy runs large" because that's not the point. It’s a net loss from when I bought them. When I bought them two months ago they didn't fit. Now they do.


  • I'm up 2.8 from last week, but I'm down point 2 for the month. This was depressing (I'm 6.8 behind goal pace of 1 pound per week over the year, but I can make this up over the next few months) but I analyzed some data. I historically (yes, I've been keeping a spreadsheet since postpartum with Stella) either spike up or remain the same during March of every year except the year I was pregnant with Sammy. I think March in general is a bad time to be watching one's weight. The buzz from the new year resolve has faded, the Girl Scout cookies came, the indoor workout is getting monotonous.
  • This month in particular was a highly stressful one for me. First I was sick, and, despite there being no dextromethorphan listed among the ingredients in Stouffer's Cheesy Enchladas or Girl Scout Carmel Delights, I ate many of them in an attempt to soothe that annoying bronchial cough. Then, when I could take a deep breath without the aid of albuterol, I had all this stressful crap going down at work (Bitter legacy vendor making our switch to a new data system resemble an electronic case of severe constipation) and, as journaled here, I reached for comfort food but at least I stopped myself. There were days I was so stressed out I couldn't work out, because as loud as I could turn up Shawn Lee's Ping Pong Orchestra on the iPod, I could still hear that annoying legacy vendor in my head basically saying "Oh, you want that simple CSV data dump BEFORE our contract expires? Oh, we'll have to put our best guys on overtime and double the cost…" and I had to get off the ellipitical machine before my head exploded in a bloody mess that would have been too nasty a media circus for the YMCA of Greater Milwaukee to handle. Oh, how that vendor pissed me off! I call him as I get his ridiculous proposal and he answers the phone: "Oh, hi, Veronica, how are you?" like he was a friend of mine that I hadn't talked to in months and was inviting out for a skim latte at Alterra after work to catch up. God, how I wanted to reply: "First off, dickslap, that's Ms. Rusnak to you. Second, cut the crap with the phony altruistic concern about my health and let's talk about this preposterous proposal for a simple CSV data dump that somebody who just watched the Video Professor's Microsoft Access Training Course could have done. Overtime my dupah." But nooooooooo, I had to remain professional and businesslike: "I'm fine, thank you. Yourself? Glad to hear it. Hey, I have some questions about your recent email, do you have a moment?" Anyway, there were worse ways I could have handled this stress, like gaining 10 pounds. Didn't happen. And those pants fit!
  • I also learned this month that I'm not missing anything by making my morning lattes Skim lattes. Turns out that Alterra doesn't use whole milk in their regular lattes, they use 2%. That explains the very little difference in a taste test. But if they don't have whole milk, how do they get the milk to froth on their cappucinos? This is exactly why I get latte instead of cappucino. If you're going to have cappucino, you want a major froth on it, and you can only get that with the fat that whole milk provides. Whatever. My diet treat isn't really "diet"! Or, at least, not noticibly different from "regular."
  • My measurements are the lowest they've ever been since I started taking them postpartum Sammy.
  • My fat percentage is the lowest its ever been since I bought that fat measuring scale.

Sometimes you have to look other places besides the scale to measure success. But it's still there, corncob that it is, waiting for some high-fiber relief. I'm off to get a bowl of bran flakes.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Motivation comes in different packages

I've been hovering around this same weight this entire month, partly because I fell off the wagon while I was sick, and then I was stressed out at work (and used food as the medicine), and it is sooooo hard to climb back onto that wagon (it moves so fast and you're so heavy!) that I was getting bummed out but sometimes encouragement comes in different ways. Those scale numbers were depressing me and eating away at my motivation. Then I flashed on the fact that my measurements were at least somewhat encouraging, but this morning was the true kicker I needed. I put on these standard Eddie Bauer size 18 trousers in quasi-strechy black, and, well, wouldja look at this. The waistband isn't rolling over from the fat roll. Hey, as a matter of fact, there's room here. I didn't notice it last week when I wore them. Hmmmmm. Extreme zoom and closeup to the folded-up Old Navy size 16 quasi-stretchy gray pinstripe trousers that didn't fit when I bought them. I'd held them up in the store a couple of months back and said to myself "Awwww…. That oughta fit me, and for $18, and I'm already running late, I'll take em!" Then I get them home and I can't even get them past my thighs. Hey, I get points for not running to the freezer to have a word with Ben and Jerry about this. So I folded them up, put them on a high shelf, confident that someday they will fit. Would today be that day?

Past my thighs…Over the hips, find the zipper, moment of truth…zzzzzzzzzziiiiiiiP. Top fastener button thingy works too! I didn't have to lay down to put them on. I'll wear them tomorrow. Today I'm not going to have a chance to get to the gym, so I'm going to have to do stairs on my lunch hour, and I need comfortable pants to do that. I said the Old Navy pants fit. I didn't say they were comfortable.


Monday, March 27, 2006

Medicine or reward/treat?

Worked out like a horse this weekend, but ate like a pig, so that's why I feel like a cow. I am not anywhere near my goal of being down to pre-Sammy pregnancy weight by the end of the month (I'm four pounds away), a milestone with which I was going to reward myself with a day off from work, spent at a day spa, which would include a hydrotherm massage and a much needed facial. (I spent the majority of my 45 years with perfect, I say PERFECT, skin and now, at 45, I'm starting to look like a teenager vis-a-vis the acne. Oy! Is this my punishment for never having needed to buy a jar of Stridex Pads in the 70s -- paid back with interest? Are forehead zits the size of capers a premenopausal symptom? I need a beauty professional to have a look at this. I'm not ready to admit I need the services of somebody who did 8 years of post-graduate study -- AKA a dermatologist -- yet.) Part of me says book the freaking appointment anyway, I deserve it, the other part of me says the reason I suck at weight loss is that I nickel and dime myself in cheating at food, and this is just another way to nickel and dime cheat. The reward was supposed to come at 218, and I should stick to that. Then again, the reason I'm behind was those two past weeks where I was stressed out, so stressed out I could barely turn my neck, and massage is a nice, drug-free way of reducing stress. So, is a massage medicine, or is it a reward/treat? That's really the question here. I see it more as a treat, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't use it as medicine, as well.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

WWI: Inch by Inch

220.8, fat percentage 46.8. Down point2. Better than nothing, or the gain I felt this week as I used food to deal with stress. It wasn't volume, but it was too much comfort food, not enough veggies.

However, while the pounds aren't coming off at a pace I'd like, the inches are significant this month. I've been measuriing myself weekly, and finding I'm losing there this month. I'll take a loss anywhere I can get it, especially if it simply means a shift away from my waist.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Seize the day, not the donuts

Hi all.

First post. Finally ready to pull my head out of my large butt and get my health under control. Went to the Dr. complaining of depression and a general lack of energy. All was well except for the weight issue. When I asked for a diet recommendation - hoping for the potato and cookie diet, I guess - he recommended Weight Watchers.

Done that many, many times before. Can I do it again? We'll find out.

Signed up for WW Online yesterday after consuming two pieces of my daughter's b-day cake. Awareness, its the first step! Unfortunately, WW kept track of my weight when I last recorded a change - last March. Up 20 lbs in a year. Not good. Again, awareness is the first step!

A little about me: I'm a 43 year old single mom, weighed in yesterday at 273 lbs - gasp! I am a geek writer from Atlanta that works from home - literally 5 steps from the kitchen. Does that count for an activity point?!?

Glad to join y'all on your journeys. I've been lurking for a bit and have appreciated hearing your stories.

Carpe Diem,

Queen Vitner

Holding steady during a stressful week

221.0, fat % 47.3. Down point 2. For all intents and purposes, its really status quo. The victory comes this week that I went on a binge and recognized myself doing so and I stopped. I'm still stressed out, I'll have about another week of this, and then things should lighten up a bit, both at work and in my body.

I'm so stressed out that I woke up this morning with a sore neck. Ugh. Better take some ibuprofen.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Only Overweight

Last week's weigh in was 191.6. Close enough to my 191 goal. I'm claiming that I am officially "overweight" and no longer "obese". 40.2 lbs down in 6 months. It feels good.

Went to Mall of America with some girlfriends for the weekend. Bought a few new clothes, but not too much yet. There's still 60 lbs I want to lose before I drastically overhaul my wardrobe. When I got home, I did try on pretty much every piece of clothing I own and pulled out about 3-4 bags to donate and have a few more items earmarked to go in the next cleaning out. It feels good.

At the hotel I went swimming with the cop girlfriend. Last year we raced each other in the pool quite a bit. We both won some, but she won slightly more. This year we only raced twice and each won one (I got a bad start - yeah, that's it). She didn't want to race anymore. I could tell I'm getting more fit and my legs are stronger. I could tread water in the deep end forever. It feels good.

For the first time ever, I did something I thought I'd never do - I worked out in the hotel fitness room. Each morning I got up early and did my 30 minutes. I got to try some new equipment, too. I took the stairs a few times when I was alone and the elevators were taking forever. It feels good.

I haven't been tracking my points consistently the last few weeks. Yet I've managed to continue losing. The "lifestyle change" is truly taking effect. I'm excited that I may not have to track points for the rest of my life. I've kept and increased the vegetables in my diet and I've controlled my snacks and sweets. I took a bag of carrots and apples into the MOA for snacking this weekend and my favorite water bottle. I did go over my 2 drinks per night guideline on Saturday, but that's ok. I even got a low-fat tropical smoothie from Orange Julius when all the other women got DQ and didn't feel like I was deprived. It feels good.

Saturday, March 11, 2006

I think I'm nailing down my binge trigger

Its not depression or sadness. Or at least anymore. I've had some down days and i was able to not binge eat at all.

Its stress. I had a super stressful week at work. These go with the territory in IT Project Management. Its never "average." You're either crusing along, wordsmithing requirements documents, or you're dealing with five projects at once and all of them are hitting "risk events." And so I spent the entire week putting out brush fires. And I'm stressed. And I used food to deal with the stress. I was so stressed out that I couldn't even stay on the stairmaster, I couldn't concentrate. Running helped, but then i went home and ate everything in the house during the commercials on American Idol.

But Friday, when a particularly heinous moment happened, I hung up the phone and announced to everybody in my cube farm: "I will not use food to deal with stress. I will not use food to deal with stress. I will not use food to deal with stress." They all laughed WITH me. I went to get a cup of coffee. Coffee is a drug, not food. I can deal with drugs and I know when to stop. Make no mistake, coffee is a drug. And its the wrong drug to deal with stress! But at least I didn't run to the cafeteria and get food.

What's significant is that I stopped myself. I have slipped before and I'll slip again, but I know its possible to identify and stop myself. I went to work out yesterday afterwards and I'm still stressed out about work, but I came home and had some nice jambalaya from a mix with this really good turkey smoked sausage in it, and a pile of steamed broccoli, and I felt good that I made it through a stressful day and did not go overboard on the food. And I pretty much passed out well before 9 pm, despite all the coffee I drank. Obviously I need to be listening to my body because its screaming at me: "GET SOME REST! QUIT PUSHING ME SO HARD and LAY OFF THE CAFFEINE."

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

WWI: Moving right along

221.2, fat %47.5. down 2.8. Not bad, considering this was Girl Scout week. It was also vegetables week! Lots of them. I had a dinner party with my girlfriends last Friday, and we all made wonderful dishes, I think only one of them featured meat (chicken) and the rest were wonderful vegetable dishes that used some, but not a ton, of oil. Dessert was extremely sinful (it was this cake covered in fluffy goodness that had the phrase "Brandy Alexander" in the name), but if you can have something like that once in a while its not worth it being thin. Really.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Girl Scout Cookies

The girl scout cookies are here and I broke my promise to myself. Like Lay's potato chips, no one can eat just one. Or two.

I've distributed to everybody here at work, and now everybody has opened at least one of their boxes and put it on the "here, I'm sharing" part of their desk or cubicle, so you can walk around like it was some kind of Dim Sum restaurant and stuff yourself silly with Girl Scout cookies.

Oh, and there's only about 6 Lean Cuisines from the freezer, down by 50% from last month.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

40 days of forgiveness - WWI

224.0. Fat % 46.4. i deserved this. I've had way too many weeks where I've gotten away with it. Its not teh weight itself, its the discipline I failed at, and finally the numbers are paying me for it.

OK. Fucked up. Forgive myself. Move on, already. It's Lent. Packed myself a nutritious lunch, and need to plan dinner.

Oh, and the graph still shows a downward trend.