Thursday, February 22, 2007

Got my next 5!!

176.6. Down 1.0 from last week. Down 55.2 since joining WW. Yeah! Nine months waiting for that next 5 and it's finally here. I almost can't believe it and happy that I've gotten down this far. And mad at myself for taking so long. I lost 50 lbs in 9 months, and then it took another 9 months to get 5 more lbs. But now I just have to look forward. Look toward the next goals.

As further motivation (in addition to the WW, HELL, LUW, AOM things that are already supposed to motivate me), I'm finally assigning tangible rewards to my goals. Written down, not floating in my head. For this one I get some new socks. Walking socks that I love that are something like $8-10/pr. I want at least 3 more pair. With 60 lbs lost, I get a Magic Bullet. Many WW people and other friends have been raving about them and I'd like one too. I've got more goals and rewards and will post soon.

WWI: All You Can Eat Sacrifice

WWI numbers: 216, fat %46, down exactly 1. This was a gift. I wasn't tracking this week, so any loss is pure luck. I spent Fat Tuesday eating sushi.

Fat Tuesday, Ash WEdnesday. Lent. For whatever reason, nobody in the fat blog community that I follow seems to ahve touched this topic this year, and yet last year we were all over this. Maybe we've all said everything we wanted to say about it. Here's my post from last year. I really have nothing to add, except a little rant about the letter of the law and the spirit of the law.

Here's the thing. The point of Lent, and not eating meat on Fridays, is to be giving something up. I remember my mom and I going to Red Lobster on fridays and getting Lobster becasue we couldn't eat meat. So we got LOBSTER. Oh, what a sacrifice! (In retrospect, maybe because we live in the midwest, and it had been so long since Mom had been home in New Jersey, that she couldn't remember what really good, fresh lobster tasted like. So maybe going to Red Lobster was a sacrifice.).

Similar point here in Milwaukee, in Wisconsin, one of the most Catholic-dense places in America. The restaurant/hospitality industry caters to Catholics during Lent on Fridays by offering fish fries. But these aren't any ol' fish fries. These aren't a piece of broiled perch on your plate, stare at it and reflect on the fasting and suffering Jesus Our Lord and Saviour made on our behalf for 40 days (and 40 nights!). No, we follow the letter of the law and eat the darn fish and eschew the beef and other white meat. But we do it grand! All you can eat fish fries! Oh, what suffering! All you can eat, people, all you can eat! You're torn: do you try to maintain the spirit of the Friday Lenten observation, or do you also try not to waste money, and get the very best value for your $6.95 (which includes coleslaw, a slice of marble rye bread, and some fish-tinged fries, as if you haven't had enough trans fats today.). And wash it down, of course, with What Made Milwaukee Famous.

40 days and 40 nights of suffering and sacrificing like this. Jesus has got to be shaking his head, saying, "Oh me. I should be annoyed at this, but I'm not. I see what you mean, Dad, you just gotta love humanity."

Friday, February 16, 2007

A day late

177.6, down 1.8. Not enough to hit next 5 but less than a pound away! I got my friend Sue's 1.8 and she got my 2.6 + to get her next 5. I'm so happy for her. This morning's scale was down more than a lb since yesterday even after I splurged on one of my mom's "cookies by design" type cookies last night. A day late as usual lately (we weigh in for HELL on Mondays when I'm up from the weekend and I seem to drop 2 lbs by Tuesday every time).

This weekend will be a challenge and I need to rise up to meet it. This morning was a girlfriends breakfast but I kept my order to a single strawberry crepe. Walking at lunch and watching my food intake today should help. Then we head up to our friends' cabin this afternoon. Usually the chips and booze flow freely at the cabin, so I'm arming myself with tons of fruit and veggies, 94% ff popcorn and, well, I'll just really have to watch my alcohol intake. Maybe just a splash of something in my diet soda? Hoping to try out snowshoeing tomorrow and maybe attempt some cross-country skiing if the snow looks good since I'm so bad (at least it's a good workout since I'm basically walking in skis). And if needed, I'll just go walking on the roads, but I really got to get activity points.

Marathon training starts next week. I'm eyeing up a 1/2 marathon in Eagle River on May 12, Syttende Mai 17 miles on May 19, and full marathon in Stevens Point on June 2. The first two walks work right into the marathon training. I found that one of my walking friends' husbands is doing the Walk Wisconsin and I decided that's the one for me. I'm working on our WW leader to join me in the marathon.

0.8! 0.8! 0.8!

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Valentine's Day Weigh-In

Don't get me chocolate today, people. Chocolate on Valentine's Day is probably more for people who don't have it that much, so it’s a treat and one of my issues is seperating treat from meal. Plus, if you were going to get me chocolate, don't get me one of those giant sampler boxes in the shape of a heart. It's overkill. This whole holiday is overkill. I love roses, but not for $150 a dozen delivered.

Wednesday Weigh In numbers: 217.0, fat % 46.2. Down 1.4. Two weeks in a row, and I *feel* like I'm back on track. Especially since I've really weaned myself well of highly processed sugar (which Valentine's candy is case study in). I don't even have a craving for it anymore. I'm sure I'll want a piece of candy now and then, but going cold turkey (or at least cool turkey) was the best thing I've done lately.

Not much more to say. The Old Navy pants are loose again. This is good.

Friday, February 09, 2007

Vickie Lynn Died For Someone's Sins But Not Mine

Regular readers of this blog know that I've had this fascination with Anna Nicole for some time. It all started back in '01 or thereabouts, when at Trash Fest, somebody (probably Paul "The Fly" Lawson, master of horrific puns) suggested that I be "Patti Nicole Smith." Like Anna Nicole, I was at the peak of my fatness, and I agreed that it would be milk-snorting-out-my-nose funny if I were to get all dressed up like Anna Nicole, and sing Patti Smith's greatest songs. God bless the Aimless Blades for having the chutzpah to be the band, who barely had to learn the songs, as Patti was already ingrained in their persona, but they were still loaded up with enough sardonicism to be able to laugh along. Yeah, this was me at my fattest. I'm not even going to publish what I weighed. And I could be all bitter about it, or, I decided I could say to myself, "Well, if I'm going to be a fat blonde with big tits, (the first two things usually outweigh everything else, EXCEPT for fat), who has a punk rock history, I might as well put on a tacky dress, sing a punk icon's songs while looking and sounding like a trainwreck of a pop culture icon, while appearing at an event called Trash Fest, and get some laughs out of it."

C'mon, sing along with Patti Nicole Smith: "In heart, I am Moslem. In heart, I am an American artist. AND I HAVE NO GUILT!" (The Aimless Blades sort of chickened out of the rest of the song that follows that intro, but in retrospect, I can't blame us. It really is hard for us guilty white folk to use the N-word, especially that many times.)

But we did "Dancing Barefoot" and "Land" (the boy looked at Johnny and did Johnny ever want to run!) and "Because The Night." And of course, "Gloria," if only to be able to drawl out meanacingly, "Jesus died for someone's sins, but not mine," in Anna Nicole's voice, insisting, "My sins are mine they belong to me. ME!!!!"

We all got away with it because who in the underground crowd doesn't love Patti Smith? And the only way I was ever going to get away with doing Patti was in parody. I'm not that serious enough a stage performer, and my thing is not deep poetry, to be able to ever pull off Patti seriously. So I already had this gratitude to Anna Nicole for giving me the chance to do Patti, even if it was with a horrible white trash persona. You'd be amazed what you can accomplish in costume. (Just ask David Bowie!)

Before that, I knew very little of Anna Nicole except that she'd been a centerfold, wife of a ridiculously rich and old man, and had let her weight go in recent days. I normally had no time for persons of this low-class ilk. But since I was going to parody her, I knew that the elements of good parody required accuracy. So I went and did my research and watched her show and learned her voice, her mannerisms, her everything. And to my feminazi horror, I realized that, well, I liked her.

I liked her for the same reason I like Cher: she didn't give a shit what anybody thought of her and her behavior. She was who she was and in true subgenius mode, fuck 'em if they can't take a joke. She seemed like a fundamentally nice person, fun to be around, all that. Let's face it, she had one good thing going for her and girlfriend played it. OK, she wasn't going to come up with the cure for cancer. She knew that. No, she was going to make her money with her moneymaker, and she did. I happen to be one of those people who believe she was entitled to some of her late husband's $$$$. He knew what he was buying, they agreed on a price, and the deal was sealed.

And then she got fat. And that's when I really loved her, because with Anna Nicole, being fat changed nothing.

She still didn't give a shit what people said and thought about her. She just went on living her life, being the ditz she was, still commanding attention, still being Anna Nicole. She even got herself a show, and an entertaining show it was. That was when I started saying (and I've said it here often on this blog), "…And as Anna Nicole has taught us all, it matters not that you are fat."

And then she decided she didn't want to be fat anymore, and she stopped being fat. I don't know if it was Trimspa or whatever, but she was this inspiration, this "I let myself go and now I'm back" I saw her have, triumphantly strutting in those Trimspa commercials. I don't care about the methodology -- we each have our own and we have to find our own. But there she was, looking gorgeous and not fat. Because she decided to be not fat anymore. That's power. That's a skill I still have to learn.

And I chose to say "not fat" instead of thin because that's the other wonderful thing about Anna Nicole. She was never a size 0. Or a size 3 or 5 for that matter. She was always a big girl. A big, powerful, commanding presence of a woman, too much woman for some. Bigger than Tyra even. Right up there with the greatest of them all, Size 12 Norma Jean.

And that is also some of the sadness about her, and her passing. The name changes. The "costumes." The personas. That Anna Nicole was a name to make her more glamourous, like Marilyn's was more glamouous. That part of us didn't take ourselves seriously as beautiful, as desirable, that we had to put on these new names, these costumes, like I had to do as Patti Nicole. That if we didn't have our fat to cover up and protect us from harm, from people seeing the "real us" at least we had our costumes, our "personas", our name changes.

And so I cheered with her when she lost her weight. And I cheered with her when the Supreme Court rules that she deserved her day in court. And as a mom, I cried with her when her son died, while wondering how she was handling this with postpartum hormones raging about. And I realized that we're all in this sisterhood together, this miasma of fat-fighting, mothering, trying-to-be-both-a-girl-and-woman, trying to figure out exactly where our person and our personas meet, sisterhood.

I still hate to admit that I had a lot to learn from a white trash, poorly educated, ditzy whore from George Bush's neck of the woods, but Vickie Lynn Hogan, you did teach me a very important lesson. You are who you are, and it matters not that you are fat.

Rest in peace, girlfriend.

On our way to our goals

179.4, up 1.4. I was expecting a 3-4 lb gain, so I'll take 1.4. "Rough" week or maybe "weak" week is more like it. Friday night started with the monthly hormone imbalance, anemia induced free-for-all where I could eat anything and never feel full or satisfied. That continued until Sunday night when the pizza caught up with me and I finally felt so stuffed I contemplated purging just to relieve my swollen abdomen. Free lunch on Tuesday, surprise party for Gar's 40th including cake on Tuesday, more cake courtesy of the volleyball team on Wednesday. Throw in a shot of I'm-not-tracking-and-what's-the-point-anyway-after-all-this-overeating attitude, that that was my week. So, it could have been worse.

So 2.6 needed to get next 5. I'm still aiming for that for next Tuesday. Another friend has 1.8 to get to next 5. She was celebrating her own birthday last week and gained .4. We left our WW meeting chanting our lbs to lose for next 5. Gotta keep that in mind.

Getting some women together for walking in the mall tomorrow. Aiming to complete 10K in 1.5 hrs. I joined the Dairyland Walkers on Wednesday, an AVA group based in Madison. They are working on a special program for walking a 10K in every county in WI. I thought I'll have to combine this with geocaching and meet two goals at once. They had a member speak at the meeting. She had power walked in a marathon in each of the 50 states. It's a great achievement. So now I'm even more inspired to walk a marathon and am looking at the Fox Cities Marathon, since it offers early start to those who need more than 6 hrs to finish. And with 100 porta-potties along the route who can resist!

Focus! Focus! Resist the payday donuts! 2.6! 2.6! 2.6!

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

WWI: Being sick throws everything off kilter

Wow, what a week!

MoPie is finally back with a renamed blog, Anne is back and posting again, PastaQueen got a book deal, and well, I lost 2.1 pounds. So Wednesday Weigh In numbers are 218.4, fat %46.0. Fever: 103.4 at times.

Yeah, I have to credit some of my loss to The Nasty Virus, which had me, as I mentioned in my other blog, curled up in a fetal ball of fever all day Saturday. What was I thinking going out on Friday night? I'll tell you: I'd been cooped up all week, and I *had* to get out and socialize. I was darn good, too. I alternated diet cola with microbrew, and kept it all under ten points. But being sick cramps my style, both in general living, and in trying to stick to an eating plan.

So I was on a soup-making frenzy this week. Its so darn cold around here, and soup is good, warming, and usually low-fat food, especially if you make it yourself. That was the mistake I made the last time I was (and usually when I get) sick: mistaking food for real medicine like ibuprofen or pseudoephidrine. Its like, helLO, chocolate cake is NOT going to loosen up any of that phlegm in your lungs like dexomorphan can. Or nice warm chicken soup. I didn't have the energy to actually buy a soup chicken and make real from scratch chicken soup or stock, but I did the next best thing, bought some Swanson's Chicken Broth, and went nuts.

I did the ol Mushroom Barley thing: combining the standard Weight Watchers recipe with Mollie Katzen's from The Moosewood Cookbook. (I have an old edition of Moosewood, back from when the way to introduce everybody to vegetarianism was to drown everything in cream and butter. You learn to make changes.). Then I made a huge pot of split pea soup, which is one of the few soups I make that Stella likes too. And last night I made a pot of curried lentil with spinach, and gave it a little twist by dumping a can of tomatoes in it. (This time of year there really is no reason to even consider "fresh" tomatoes). I also made my favorite garlicky red lentil with carmelized onions thingy, from "A New Way To Cook" (by Sally Schneider: the "new way" is to view butter, bacon fat, and cream as flavorings, not as dominant ingredients.) Put it all into single serving disposable tupperwares, ready to pull out of the freezer for my own "lean cuisines". The work freezer is packed with Lean Cusinies, yet yesterday everybody panicked because the cafeteria was down (the cold has resulted in busted pipes.) You're going through the workday, and what have you got to look forward to? Hot cafeteria food or a Lean Cuisine? Well, I've got plenty of home cooked food right away. All labeled with points values, just like Lean Cuisines, but hardly any fat, absolutely no HFCS, and lots of good housewarming karma.

Still going good on the processed sugar fast. Not completely cutting it out, but the consciousness of it has resulted in my not eating nearly what I was going nuts on in January. I'm still off kilter, though. I can't get back into a good routine because being sick just throws routine out the window. The kids are still coming back from it, they're not 100%, and when a three year old boy ain't happy, ain't nobody around him's happy either. And fat girls, what do we do when we're not happy?!?!?!

Make soup!!!!!

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Walking on

178, down 0.4. Not big numbers, but down anyway, back to my lowest point again. This week has been pretty good, but still gotta keep my focus. It could have been better. Lunch out on Saturday and Lunch at the women's basketball game did not help. I had a salad at Joey's seafood restaurant. It was the coconut chicken, but I'm not fooling myself into thinking the chicken is at all good for me or low points with its coconut batter and then deep fried. Then I notice Gary's meal is two pieces of grilled fish with sides. I could have had that and two sides of the sauteed veggies and been about the same or maybe better. Oh, well. Gotta think about those grilled options more often. Saturday mornings for the next few weeks are devoted to the theater where for $2.50 you get a seat at a recent kids movie and a bag of popcorn. Can't beat that. Exactly how many points for the butter on the popcorn?!

The walking did go well this week. Four of us gathered at West Towne mall early Saturday morning for the Snowman Shuffle 10K, which was nine laps around the inner perimeter of the mall. We finished in less than 2 hours. Not too bad, but I did feel it near the end and I was so tired in the afternoon. If I'm doing 17 miles in May, I do need to get with the walking program. A few of us are now thinking of mall walking most Saturdays. I may skip this week but I'm definitely doing it next week and then on the 24th at the next Dairyland Walkers 10K at East Towne. Jenny and I walk at lunch almost every day. I'm so used to it now that I hate to miss a day. When friends invite me to lunch I almost want to turn them down so I can walk.