Damn, I'm fat

But at least I'm not as fat as I was last week. I'm actually down two pounds, but that's down to 241.5. Ugh. Oh, it's just water weight, blah blah blah and today, as I got my picture taken for the employee directory at my new job, I'm looking at the proofs, and it was the wake up call.

"Jesus Holy Christ, I'm fat."

It's not like I wasn't fat at 218 or 211 or whatever I was starting to feel good about all this at. But this was the wake up week. That fat picture staring back at me. My smile was even fat. My favorite clothes aren't fitting me. But then I clicked on Akkasha's page. Remember Akkasha? She lost something like 250 pounds, but it wasn't easy. And it wasn't without a few times of faling off the wagon. OK, so I gained back almost all the weight I lost. So did Akkasha at one point, but I go to her for inspiration because she just picked up the pieces and got right back on, and now she feels and looks great.

I think it's helping that I'm starting to establish and follow a good routine. I've got a way to get a workout in every day. I wasn't doing that so much the past few months, and it showed. I didn't really change my eating habits this past week, simply put the daily workout back in and that accounted for a two pound loss right there. And when the weather gets warmer, I'll be back on my bike to get to and from work, which is instant workout right there.

So I'm clawing my way out of this hole I've dug for myself. OK. Damn, I'm fat.


Becky-BBW said…
Fashion and style is NOT about one size fits all. Truthfully it's about loving yourself, being healthy and knowing what works for you. Dont fall into the "Media" idea of what is Beauty, know that YOU as a Human and Individual are SEXY and Beautiful! --- http://www.plusmingle.com
Anonymous said…
I know how difficult it is to figure out the exercise thing while job hunting. And I'm in Milwaukee too... this winter has been my worst so far, somehow I just gave up.

As an aside, I've read your blog for awhile, you and I are a similar demographic although I am pretty sure i'm a few years older than you. Were you here in Starship days? Husband and I had our wedding reception there... :)
V'ron said…
Becky -- yeah, but I'm not comfortable at 245. My back hurts. 245 doesn't work for me. At least i was getting the job done at 215.

Anonymous -- I wasn't in Milwaukee when the starship was going on, but i WAS haunting the clubs in Champaign Urbana and Washington DC in the late 70s, early 80s. Still, I bet we have more than a few friends in common.

My wedding reception was at the Polish Falcon!

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