Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Enough. Time for a change.

As you can see, I've totally changed my blog template, and I was spurred to do this pretty much because I'm in such a weightloss slump. I ended up re-designing my entire net presence: my regular blog and my homepage and all have this same look and feel, and I finally decided to do a 30-second google search to get the html for "open link in new window" so that you, dear end user, won't have to flip back to this page every time I redirect you through a link to some other non-sixthstation link. But what started out as a teeny little project to change maybe the colors on this blog turned into a full-fledge complete web presence redesign. Sort of like those times you thought you'd wash the floor in the kitchen, and end up totally cleaning out all the cabinets and throwing out all that "gift food" you get around the holidays with gourmet mixes you'll never use. I still have a little graphic work to do, but the bulk of my redesign is done. I think its easier to read, too.

School starts today for the kids, so summer's officially over.

And the point of all of this is, as I've been threatening to do for some months now, is start fresh, with Beginner's Mind, new web design, new everything. The fact that school starts today puts the entire family back on a predictable routine, and I said out loud to the family last night, "Enough. I've lost 20 since I started this thing, but I haven't lost a net pound in a full year. Enough." Especially after this weekend, which was kind of stressful, and I fed it by eating binging. I knew it, as I shoveled a Wendy's doublecheeseburger down my throat at 2 am. Gulp, I'm binging, this is bad, this is what I shouldn't be doing, chew chew chew gulp. This isn't "consistent with my weight loss goals," I thought, spooning that dairy substitute dessert they call a Frosty into my mouth. And it didn't even feel good.

I begin with a gain of a half a pound, up to 219.2. The silver lining to this is, well, at least I know that once I get to goal, maintenance won't be a problem for me. I'm not gaining any more; clearly I've taugth myself to eat normally (besides the binging incident) and that the occassional frozen custard, slice of cheesecake, or 12-oz prime rib (complete with yummy fatty outside) won't balloon me up twenty pounds. But I still have to lose, and by already dropping 20 I've proven to myself I can do that too, and even hit milestones I never thought I would.

So here we go. I had a good breakfast this morning, I have a lovely grilled ahi tuna citrus salad planned for lunch, and I have a snack and some fruit here at work as well. Enough.

2 comments:

Lori said...

I love the layout. You're in a good place and you have a plan for today and you're not beating yourself up. Sounds great to me! And I've done the 2 a.m. thinking too.

BTW, look at how far you've come --would you have ever thought you'd race in a triathlon?

PastaQueen said...

I like the new layout too. It's much lighter.

Whenever I binge I have those same thoughts. Last week I ate three bowls of cereal and even while I was pouring the milk I was thinking, "You should be doing this. This is not behavior becoming of a weight-loss success story." But I did it anyway. It's so weird.