Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Severe Attitude Adjustment Needed

OK, after the big announcement, I'm sorry to say that I'm up a pound this week. Excuses include: labor day all-weekend eat-a-thon (heck, even Jerry's lost weight!), Djing and having a few beers, and of course, that ubiquitous rickshaw I just started riding with an extra passenger of bloat. Excuses, exshmooshes. I did the classic, "Well I blew it on Thrusday, so the heck with it." I need an attitude adjustment. I was really tempted to just say I'm holding steady this week, but this blog is nothing if I'm not honest.

I especially need an attitude adjustment after this weekend. All this talk about fat acceptance, and here I am, I run into this guy I can't stand at a party, and the first thing that popped into my head was, "Ha Ha Ha! He's FAT!"

He's always been a big guy, but now he's even fatter than me! WAY fatter than me! Ha Ha HA! I know this is terrible, and probably hypocritical of me to think like this, but I can't help it. I can't stand this guy, and I was in glee that he's become FAT. Here's the thing. The reason I hate this guy (didn't like his pretentious ass from the get-go, but then he showed his true colors many years back when) he got into drumming in my (then boyfriend, now husband)'s band, a band whose repertiore and reputation DH painstakingly built with his buddies over some 10 years previous. Fat Bastard stole my husband's band's name and toured Europe under it, and the combined tenure of the guys of this bogus version of the band was maybe 1 year and some months. None of the people who'd been playing with the originals for at least 5 years were at all involved. The tour ruined the european reputation of the band because, frankly, they SUCKED, and none of the original members could afford to take him to court to stop him them. Fatso wanted to be a rock star so bad that he'd do anything, even pilfer another band's name and reputation to do it. The whole incident was loaded with bad juju, and it crushed the original band members. On the "karma's a bitch, ain't it" side, it's caught up with him. I've noticed that he since has never gotten drumming work with anybody playing original music -- original musicians are only so naïve, especially when they can see what you'll do with their work!

Anyway, ever since he stole my DH's intellectual property, I've always been disgusted by him. But I have to admit, the first thing I thought when I saw him was not, "Look at that backstabbing thief!" No it was: "Wow, that bastard has gotten FAT," and I was viciously laughing at him in my mind. Because while I'm all about fat acceptance, being fat isn't something I'd wish on my worst enemy. I wouldn't wish the health issues, the low self-esteem, the societal hatred, the whole bit on anybody. And now that fat bastard has to face it all. Ha Ha Ha HA HA! No, I wouldn't wish fatness on him, but since he brought it on himself, despite his self-rightous, look-at-me-for-I-am-correct, vegetarianism, (Yeah, he's one of those "Hey Waiter," asking loudly so the whole freaking restaurant hears them ask the question that only vegetarians ask: "Does this soup use a vegetable or chicken stock?" so that now everybody knows they're better than you kinds) I now have one more thing about him I can trash him with. But I can't use it without being correctly accused of "look who's calling the kettle black", nor can I use it when I lose the weight.

But here's the thing. I hated him before he was fat. Hell, I saw through and disliked him well before he pulled this crap on my husband. And so I don't hate him because he's fat. And I would never use his fat to hurt him, but it's tempting. I know exactly what hurts a fat person, I know exactly where to hit a fat person where it will do a lot of damage. And it's a tool I would never, never use. There's plenty of crap to throw at him that doesn't involve his fat. Like, the fact that apparently his entire artistic output of note has been made by sucking off of other people's creativity: he runs a website curating local band poster art, he is a massive fan of a band from our part of the country that made it big and thus plays cover/tribute bands devoted to them, he also is a tireless promoter of things like preserving this local architectural experiment in a postwar planned community for its historical significance. But you see, he doesn’t seem to have done anything much with his own ideas.I prefer to use this fact as a basis for trashing the ol fat bastard. He's at best a pilferer, and I'll take a fat ol girlfriend in my life over a petty ripoff artist any day. But it's still somewhat vindicative, to see this person I hate has gotten FAT. I can't stop other people for hitting him where the fat hurts, and while I would jump to the defense of any woman (for that matter, person) who does get trashed because she's fat, I wouldn't say a damn thing if somebody threw some potent fat hate in his direction. (Because, face it, men don't get trashed for their fatness as much as women.) Really, when it's people I like, I don't notice the fat. And if I don't know them, being a fat person myself, I give a person the benefit of the doubt. But I felt an ugly viciousness come over me when I saw Fat Bastard at this party. I was glad he got fat. I was glad I almost didn't recognize him because the shape of his face had changed as a result of his fat -- that's how fat he'd gotten. I hope people point at him and instanstly judge him the way my fat girlfriends are instantly judged and hated. Because I loathe that fat bastard, and I'm glad his picture of Dorian Gray has come to roost. I really don't like myself for thinking this way, but, there it is. This blog is nothing if I can't be honest. But boy, I sure do need an attitude adjustment. Are there such a thing as "mental chiropractors" who can perform such a thing?

1 comment:

Susan said...

Ha-hah! I don't think you need an attitude adjustment at all. Karma has bitten this guy in his (really fat) ass. In your situation, I would think *exactly* the same thing.