Stop the madness!

I've been eating fairly out of control this week. It's strictly been stress related. I want to stop being an emotional eater. Will that ever happen? I have no idea. I thought I'd gotten it under control, but apparently not.

My dad was hospitalized with kidney failure. It's a big convoluted story. My first response was to go open a bottle of wine and drink until the anxiety was quelled and I could think about it all without flipping out. Since I have no desire to be an alcoholic, I ate my way through it. Do we see a problem here? Does OA work like AA? Becuase if it does, then that's where I should be. Except that God part. I can't do the God part. Maybe I can just recover, write a book a la James Frey and get on Oprah.

But I digress.

So I've been eating emotionally. I really thought I'd conquered that but really, I haven't. And that's upsetting. It makes me believe I will always struggle with being hugely fat. Not losing the last 20, but more the struggle of losing the first 100.


Emily said…
It's good that you can see things so clearly.

Maybe you could check into getting some help. I agree, the AA model is tres depressing, but maybe seeing a therapist who specializes in what you're going through...? Do you have insurance? I would think it should be covered???
V'ron said…
Emotional eating is the most common issue with people who need to lose weight, and its the hardest to tackle. Recognizing is is really more than half the battle.

A friend once introduced me to the concept of anesthetizing everything. Some people use alcohol, some use hard drugs. We use food. The problem with food is that we need food. Our bodies (unless addicted) can live without other forms of anestesia, but not without food.

Anestesia has its place. Here's a way to think about it. You're in pain right now, you need an anesthetic. However, you have to choose an anestethic that does not have side effects that eventually exacerabate the pain (this comment is loaded with my spelling demon words, no?). Food is an easy target becasue unlike alcohol or morphine, the side effects are supposedly OK. So you put on a few pounds. Its not like its liver damage or something. Problem is, in this case, the side effect -- the few extra pounds, the feeling that you'll NEVER lose this weight -- is causing your more pain. Its dragging on your already heavy heart.

So the answer, (oh easy to say, Dr Vron, Dr 227 pound Vron, physician, heal thyself, eh?) is to either choose a different anesthetic with different side effects, or to accept that anestesia is a TEMPORARY solution to a TEMPORARY problem, and when the TEMPORARY problem goes away, then work on addressing the side effects.

My vote is for a different anesthetic: one of my favorite anesthetics for stress is going to the gym. Load up your ipod or your CD player, get thee to the gym, and hit the bike or the stairmaster or whatever and then lift some weights. If you stick with the current anesthetic -- food -- the side effects are going to get in the way of believing you can do this.

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