Saturday, December 31, 2005

Solve the problem rather than re-solve it

How many billions of people resolve to lose weight starting Jan 1? Probably many. I wonder how many worry getting enough food every day. Probably billions as well. What a fucked up world.

Of course, knowing this doesn't stop me from thinking about my own caloric restriction plans, efforts to shake "yers bootay", as my son likes to say. We're returning to Week 1 of "the plan" and going for the big numbers this month to get back on track.

Although I've eaten my weight several times over these past 2 weeks, I don't feel like I've done a whole heap of damage. Denial? We'll see. Tomorrow.

Happy New Year.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!

Heave my big lumpy ass off the floor for me, will ya?

I'm still in full holiday celebrating mode. After all, I'm with my family, who I see less than once per year. We're celebrating our first christmas all together in 17 years (oof) - I should get some slack, eh?

My pants are shrinking, my chest is heaving and there are still meals and snacks to be eaten. Our pre-dinner walks went out the window once we got here, mainly because I forgot it gets pitch black out at 4PM this far north. But also, our schedule is just so far out of whack.

Rather than say I'm going to shelve the efforts until we return home on Dec 31, I'm going to commit to making one improvement each day this week. Yesterday, I tackled water with a vengence. Today, I will cut the evening snacking by half (yes, that will make a difference, I've been eating THAT MUCH after dinner). Tomorrow, I'll nix all non-healthy snacks all together and that will bring us almost to our trip home, where I can pull it all together and start a detox and massive fitness regime.

30lbs by April 30. That's the goal. Hold me to it.

Wednesday Weigh in -- Could've been worse, and it ususally is

230.6. Up 2.8. It could've been worse. It usually is WAY worse for Christmas week. Apparently, I'm not the only one for whom it is usually WAY worse. I've read varying stats saying the average person (and that average includes people who aren't watching their weight) gains anywhere from 7-14 pounds over the holidays.

I just threw in the towel Christmas morning. We'd had a lovely roast beef dinner Christmas eve with friends, and there was also this years Sprecher Holiday Brew. Christmas night was a great little party at a friend's house; she puts out a great dinner-like spread. And on Christmas morning (when I threw in the towel), I made a batch of fluffy whole wheat pancakes (use buttermilk and a tablespoon of baking soda to get the whole wheat to be "fluffy"). Then the rest of the weekend I worked out like I was training for a triathlon. Now that's me "watching" it. I can see how easily anybody can put on 10 pounds over the holidays -- and that's just the week of Christmas/New Year's.

I don't feel bad about this at all. Well, a little bit. When you're losing weight and you take two steps back, you do feel a bit of disappointment. But the original goal was to gain NOTHING between December 1 and January 15. I'm still down net 4 pounds for that time period.

Monday, December 26, 2005

DETOX!!!!!!

Went out for sushi on Friday night, and afterwards decided not to deal with dieting this weekend. I'm sorry I made that call. I feel huge already. But that artichoke, spinach, mayo, cheese, wreathed up in some buttery crush at my friend's house Sunday night was pretty darn good.

Today I woke up, and decided to detox. I already had a massage and herbal wrap booked for today, decided to make it a whole day of detox. Vegetables and fruit only. Started it off with a full glass of unsweeteneed cranberry juice. Massive workout at the Y, including cardio on a stairclimber and a full circuit of weights. Fruit for lunch. Massage and herbal wrap. Sauteed vegetables for dinner. I may have gained wieght this weekend, but I feel good today. We'll see what Wednesday brings. I'm in detox and lovin' it!

Week off from weight in...

I'm just going to take the week off - not from exercise and smart eating - but from weighing. I will commence after the new year and will probably do a Wed. or Thurs. weigh-in like V'Ron. I hope everyone had a wonderful xmas and has a happy new years weekend.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Fudge or Fruit?

Fudge or Fruit? Fudgeorfriut? Fudgeorfriut? Fudgeorfriut? Fudgeorfriut? FUDGE OR FRUIT? Darn Fudge.

Wednesday Weigh In -- Mea Culpa, PLEASE!

WWI = Wednesday Weigh In.

227.8. Down point 6. I don't deserve this. Now before you go beating me up, all this (even little over a half pound) loss is going to do is subconsciously tell me that its OK to let myself go at a supper club and eat the entire basket of bread while waiting for the entree -- however sensible -- to arrive. Its OK to have three weissbiers (served, of course, in those ridiculously tall weissbier glasses). No, it isn't. I didn't plan for that "treat" and I knew better. I knew it as I was stuffing down my third roll with butter. I knew it as I was washing it down with my weissbier. I knew it and regretted it as I was trimming the little fat there was on my delicious New York Strip. I couldn't enjoy that perfectly good New York Strip completely because all I wanted to do was undo those dinner rolls, which weren't all that good -- that's the rub! (They were OK, but they weren't anything like the hunk of bread you get at the Soup Ladle).

And today, the scale wouldn't even let me do my penance. No, it rewarded me for this bad behavior. Yes, my weight is a problem, but its the behavior I'm trying to correct.

Maybe I am being rewarded for:

-- only having one slice (that's one serving, according to the label) of the really good frozen pizza we had last night. (BTW, Home Run Inn is a damn fine 'za if you have to go frozen).

-- Not eating any office treats for the past couple of days. Not even those vendor treats. Yes, I did not have any of the sundried tomatoes in white truffle oil. I will have to learn that taste elsewhere.

But still, I feel as though I had to go to confession, and the priest let me off with "Do something nice for somebody in the next few days." This actually happend to me when I was 10. I left that booth with more guilt than I went in with. Where's my 25 Hail Marys? Hell, where's my "Say a rosary on the First Friday of the next nine months?" And now, where's those lesson-teaching two pounds I was supposed to gain today?

Monday, December 19, 2005

The French Women

Ok - the French are annoying. Let's just admit it. Unfortunately, they are also right most of the time.

My sister married a French man and now lives in Paris. She tells me all the time about the secrets of the French women. Secrets of how they eat. Secrets of how they dress. Secrets of how they keep themselves from getting sick, etc. (Wrapping a silk - must be silk - scarf around their necks and wearing it 24/7 at the first sign of a sore throat.) -- I digress.

My sister is "one of us" - problems with weight - and has lost through WW, etc. etc. etc. She's trying to lose her "baby weight" as we speak. -- I digress again.

Has anyone read the book: French Women Don't Get Fat: The Secret of Eating for Pleasure? The bad thing is - THEY'RE RIGHT. There are no fat French Women.

They do things like:

- The don't eat at their desks, standing up, or in the car.
- They treat each meal as a ceremony.
- They eat their big meal @ noon
- If they overdo it one day, they truly starve themselves for the next few days to compensate.
- They truly take little nibbles of the "naughties" but don't deny themselves the pleasure of the taste or the experience.

This is a good read.

They talk about something called "recasting" in this book too. It's when you eat/drink this Leek soup for an entire weekend and it's supposed to start you on your way...

I'm shooting for the first weekend in January for my Leek Soup Weekend. Yippee!

I wan't to get away with this, but I shouldn't

I had a bad weekend on the food. Dinner with the family at a classic ol supper club type restaurant. I got the New York Strip, and I was really good about putting only 1 pat of butter in the baked potato. It was the three dinner rolls (with their accompanying butter) and the weissbiers that got me in trouble.

There's a part of me that wants to not eat anything today to make up for it, but the good part of me understands that weigh-in Wednesday should bring bad news. I want to get away this with, but I shouldn't.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

What is 30 lbs?

I figure I've got 30 lbs to lose. What is 30 lbs. you ask?

(Note: We all played around with the scale today - that's why I know these #'s - other than my own of course)

- Half of my 6 year old's weight
- The difference between my 10 year old's and my 6 year old's weight
- Heavy

175.0 - Sound familiar?

Sigh.

Friday, December 16, 2005

Substitution

Wanted: Sugary cereal with milk before bed or hot chocolate. Needed to be sweet and maybe crunchy.

Chose: "Bedtime" Tea.

Once I took 3 deep breaths, put the kettle on, and waited a few minutes, the tea was just what I needed. Sweets forgotten.

Vendor gifts: don't you sell SOFTWARE?!?!

Its Christmas/Holiday time in corporate america, and that means time for "Vendor Gifts"! I work in IT: can't these guys send me a Palm Pilot or something that says "Thank you for dropping $75K on our company's bug-ridden software that nobody at your firm uses anyway"? No, they have to thank my department with a giant Harry and David gift basket, which would be nice if they'd send us the stuff Harry and David are known for: fresh fruit. No, we get the Harry and David gift basket with the chocolate. Gee, there isn't anything chocolate around here at Holiday time.

What makes Vendor gifts harder is that these aren't the standard slice and bake sugar cookies with the cutely pathetic cement-like frosting that people bring in, or the occassionally excellent "my aunt's secret recipe" shortbread cookies. I've already talked myself out of these. No, vendor gifts are usually from gourmet shops so instead of regular old fudge, you get peanut butter fudge with macadamia nuts with a hint of some liquor you've never heard of. Curry-baked almonds dusted with gray salt from the south seas. Stuff you'd never buy because you've just about heard of it. Stuff you want to try not because you love it. You don't know if you love it. You're just curious. You eat it just because you want to know what white-truffle-oil packed sun-dried tomato spread tastes like.

So, I'll give it this. I will have just a taste of this stuff. I will NOT eat nasty old cheese spread out of a plastic container with a swath of port wine cutting through like some sort of infection. I WILL put a bit of truffled tomato spread on a little cracker, and I will note what it tasted like. I will NOT eat a whole box of Aunt Beulah's Extra Buttery Shortbread Rum cookies. I WILL slice myself one sliver of hungarian garlic summer sausage.

And then I'll go back to work and figure out why we do business with these guys.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Carrots vs Cookies

V'ron, thanks for the invite. It is nice to have a place to write everything I normally suppress.

Final WW weigh-in today of my 12 week at-work program. 27.8 lost in the past 13 weeks (so it can be done, but can I keep it off??) I've somehow managed to lose every week, so I've been more complacent and not tracking as well lately. OK, there's no point to tracking all cookies and crap I've been eating at all the holiday get togethers. So today I'm up 0.2, but that was actually good since I was sure it would be a gain of 2 lbs. I weigh every morning, so as soon as the scale goes up one day I'm really good the next. Why can't I just be good everyday? Why do I still reach for the cookies instead of the carrots? Went down to the dept lunch (after weigh-in!) and filled up my plate with all the "bad" stuff first. Actually walked right past the fruit salad and thought I'd skip it. What the hell is wrong with me? I did go back and get my veggies and fruit and made sure I ate them first, but I still consumed too much of the rest and the taco dip is calling me from the break room. It's the free food that gets me all the time.

Saturday we leave for CA. I wanted to be firmly below 200 before this trip, but I'm still a couple lbs over. Can I really stay focused on vacation? Will I make healthy choices? Have I planned ahead enough on my snacks? I must surround myself with carrots and apples. Here's to hoping for some great low-fat salad options when we eat out and that my mother's gym allows guests!

Good luck to you all through the holidays and beyond.

Saying I can do it on my own is glib

My earlier post, saying that I can lose weight and get fit for life without outside help, I'm afraid was a mistake.

I've lost weight in the past with the help of Weight Watchers. I've lost weight in the past with the help of a lunchtime aerobics class, attended faithfully. Why should this attempt (hopefully the last) be any different?

I've been struggling the past few days. I have not changed ANY of my habits, patterns or attitudes. I've thought a lot about what I SHOULD do, but have not acted.

Weight Watchers makes you accountable. You're paying the money, and you have to face the weigh-in lady, so you do it. It also feels really good to get a bookmark, sticker, and cheers from your adoring fans. The WW mind games sometimes get unbearable, but in the end, it DOES change your behavior.

Going to a gym forces you into working out. You're not at home, you're there for a specific purpose, and once again - you're paying the money! So work out beyatch.

Now, I just need to decide what help to get, and how much I'm willing to spend.

I'm not ready for fajitas

Went over points range yesterday, on some restaurant fajitas. I know I should have ordered something off of the part of the menu for "diet conscious" people. The stuff on that part of it had calories, fat and carb info on it. But nooooooooo, I wanted fajitas. And I should have known I wasn't going to stick to two. But I was cocky. I had four.

I do have to give Rock Bottom Brewery huge points though. My plate had a reasonable amount of rice and beans on it, instead of the three cups of each you normally get in restaurants of this ilk. Good thing, too. I would have been clean plate club last night, whether or not the amount of rice and beans was reasonable or not.

OK, forgive myself. Today is another day. And tomorrow will be one too. Stella's "Winter Sing" is tonight. They are ordering pizzas. I will have one slice. It will be enough. No, really.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Looking for resources

SOS!

Does anyone have recommendations (reading, techniques) for overcoming stress eating? Telling me to workout to deal with it, isn't the answer. I KNOW that stuff, what I'm looking for, partly, is a way to recognize it coming and curb it before it happens.

Merci

V'ron - good weigh-in! Mine is tomorrow. Yikes.

They can't all be tremendous losses

Weigh in wednesday. Down .5. That's point five. 228.4. Not bad considering that fondue party Saturday, and that I'm feeling a bit bloated.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

New math

I am a stress eater.

It is mid-december. I'm financially over-extended; my son's third birthday is at the end of the week; we're having christmas dinner with my crazy inlaws who stress me out just thinking about them; I have 4 full days of work left; I have 2 christmas parties to attend; I have to pack for a trip; I have a train table to paint.

There is a HUGE box of organic doughnuts in the office today.

Do the math.

"We Only Sell Double Scoop Cones, Ma'am"

I'll share one more quick story - and it explains why Americans are fat.

We were in Florida over Thanksgiving, and when we were at the airport, my kids asked for an ice cream cone as a treat. I said, "sure." We went to a Carvel at the food court in the airport. My girls are ages 10 and 6 (and skinny - not the point of this story) and a single cone would have been plenty for them (plenty for anyone actually.)

I COULD NOT PURCHASE A SINGLE SCOOP CONE. "We only sell double cones!"

I paid for a double cone for each of them, "WHATEVER". I was too tired to think on my feet. I only wanted to pay for one scoop and I knew my girls would only have the appetite for one scoop, but I'll play by your silly rules. Sure enough, they couldn't finish 2 scoops - not even close - (and the rest of the grownups in the group helped them out - go figure.) Still - Not the point of the story.

The point is the same point that Morgan Spurlock and many others are making: WE'RE FAT BECAUSE OF THE EVIL MARKETERS. They're marketing obestiy. IT'S INSANITY!!!!! They just want more cash and they're greedy and evil. They don't stop to consdier that someone ONLY WANTS ONE FREAKING SCOOP! It's just plain subversive.

Next time if this happens, I'll pay for the double and ask them to keep a scoop.

A Few Words about Method for December

This first month for me is going to be trying new methods and finding a groove.

Some initial thoughts:

I'm not doing Weight Watchers (yet.) In January I may decide to go that route. For now I'm going to try some things on my own. I'm also not seeing a trainer/joining a gym. I would love some help in that department, but I need to save money. We do have a treadmill, some weights and a VCR so I'll see how that goes for now.

More:
- Water
- Regular sleep
- Tea
- Walking
- Stretching
- Weight Lifting/Workout tape

Less:
- Coffee
- Erratic daily routine
- Booze
- Negative thoughts
- Stress
- Sitting in front of the TV with the Cheetos

And I will attempt a daily workout. Even if it's just a walk. And I will do a Saturday weigh-in.

This Blog Is Helping Me Already

V'ron and Theraputic - thanks for the understanding and the insight and for sharing your stories.

You've nailed it. It's not the number, it's what the number means to each one of us personally.

For me 175 means I've seriously jeapordizing my health. I've got those skin tags which my Dr/Chiro says is a sign of pre-diabetic condition. I don't move as well as I used to. To an outside observer I may look fine. As you say, I've gotten good at hiding it.

More than anything, not being @ optimum health/decent weight is something that's just unfinished. It adds to your daily stress load, and we don't need that. The extra weight gnaws at your self-esteem much more than I think any of us realize.

The important thing is that we all make progress and feel good about the progress we make.

The middle of the Vron story and the end of denial

Well, I s'pose as the instigator of this all I should tell my story, but its kind of long, so I'll tell it in bit posts. But I think I'll comment on Emily's, because I've been there. I've been 175. And it was awful then. I've never been down at 175 from over 200, though, so it’s a story I hope to tell sometime next year. But in the meantime, being 175 was somewhere the middle of the story, and like a Quentin Tarantino movie, it’s a good place to start.

The reason I feel for Emily right now is that I admit (just as she predicted) that when I read 175, the first words in my head were "You don't have a problem! You're not even in our league." (her post later confirms that she is). But not for the numbers reason. The problem with being 175 is that people don't see the fat there. I didn't. Emily lives local to me. I see her when we're dropping our kids off and prior to this blog, I wouldn't have put her past 140 -- and that's a muscle-weighs-more-than-fat-140. But when I weighed 175, people didn't believe me either. "Oh, well then it must be muscle, I wouldn't have put you at more than 140. TOPS," people would say. I thought they were just being polite. They weren't. They really didn't see the fat.

Why not? Because when you're 175 or thereabouts, you've been overweight for awhile, but not morbidly so. Just long enough to learn really well how to hide the fat. You're not even conscious that you're doing it. You just start to gravitate toward black in the stores, (my late 20's goth phase notwithstanding). You find those pants that swing just below the beltline, you find those shirts that are cut perfectly to accentuate the positive and deemphasize the negative. If helps if you're a blonde with big tits: that sort of draws attention away from the fat. (And I have to cheat on the blonde part these days. Just not as blonde as I used to be). You know that if you sit up straight and not act fat, people won't see you as a fat person. You still do thin things: you exercise for the fun of it, you still think you're sexy, you still carry on like you're thin, and people say: "She could stand to drop a few, but she's not fat." You start believing your own denial: "I'm not fat. I'm like Gabrielle Reese, it's all muscle. Well, OK, I have this little bulge here, but I don't have to stop eating enchiladas every freakin' night."

And then one day, when you've told youself that particularly bad period bloat is the reason you can't get into your pants, you step on the scale and its over 200. End of the denial party.

Monday, December 12, 2005

Yo! Yo-yo!

I'll take Emily's cue and talk about how I got here, and where here is.

When I was a kid - 2-10 years old, I was tall for my age and boney. I was nick named Skinny and Bones. Then, the growth spurt stopped and I ate my way up to the nickname Fats. I was a pudgy 11/12 year old, slimmed down a little, but not a lot by the time I was 13 and by then, I was th 5'7" woman that I am today.

From there onward, I yo-yo'd. I'd eaten my way through depression in grade 8 and 9. The summer before grade 10 I ate only fruit for breakfast, veggies for lunch, rode my bike for an hour, 3x/day EVERYDAY and had whatever was handed to me for supper. When I went back to school, I was a very skinny size 10. I weighed about 140lbs and my stomach was flat finally. Briefly.

And then I gained and lost and gained and lost. When I was 17, I started every day with 2 cups of coffee and a snickers bar. Lunch was a can of coke. Snacks were more caffeine. I walked/jogged/biked everywhere. I was thin again. And then I crashed and ate my way to 173lbs and woefully joined Weight Watchers.

Every Monday we'd weigh-in. Every monday after the meeting, we'd go to DQ and get a burger and rings and a shake and then Tuesday, we'd deprive ourselves. I lost 20lbs pretty quickly and within 6 months of quitting, I gained 40.

After that I tried everything: excessive exercise; slimfast; nutri-system; jenny craig; more weight watchers; fen/phen; personal trainer; high protein/low carb; skipping meals. Nothing worked. I blamed it on low thyroid, never depression.

Prior to getting pregnant in 2002, I weighed in at 243lbs. My last weight before I gave birth was 275. I was finally diagnosed and treated for depression and when I joined WW this year, my first weigh in, I was 268.

I lost about 8lbs with WW and couldn't lose more. I went for 7 months and just couldn't get the scale to budge. My husband wanted to join in the efforts, so we switched to a program called Simply for Life. It has seemed to make a big dent for us as a family and we're both doing a lot better and overall, I just feel GREAT. Even if I'm losing slowly, I physically feel like a whole new, very energetic, version of me.

Last week, I weighed in at 254. I was up 2 lbs this month, mostly due to a variety of holiday parties that I just didn't plan well for. But I'm ok with that. I've pulled it all back in control again and I'm still feeling great. My goal is to stay in the 252-254 range until the end of the year.

Nothing To Wear (aka "How Did I Get Here?")

This morning, I went to put on my Levi's that used to fit me and I could not even get them on! I had to resort to the long, black Old Navy skirt that hides everything. Very depressing.

I started life as a thin person with a naturally high metabolism. I was also a distance runner in high school and college. I wasn't a competitive runner, but was in very good shape and ran for fun/endorphins. I used to be able to run six miles without breaking a sweat. Being a runner really helps with the food and booze. You can eat and drink and run it all off the next day.

I got pregnant with my first child when I was 29, and ever since then I've had issues with weight. I was 220 when Lucy was born, and 210 when Lily was born. Through Weight Watchers 2 years ago I was able to get down to 147, but slowly, ever so slowly, it's all crept back.

In my "normal" state I'm a loose size 10 / Medium. I like being this size. I'm comfortable at this size. Right now I'm a good hefty 14/16 and really feel like crap. It's now come to the point where I literally have NOTHING TO WEAR.

Everyone is different. For me, a 10/Medium is good. For others that point might be 14/L or 16/XL or 6/S. EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT. The numbers themselves are not important, rather it's what works for each person is what's important.

Thanks for the encouragement so far everyone. Keep it up gals!

Next post will discuss methods - how am I planning on getting from Point A to Point B.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

celery sticks aren't so bad

Contrary to my prediction, there were celery sticks at that fondue party last night -- and I used them. I saved a lot of points for that party, but I did skip breakfast yesterday, which is a major no-no. Then again, I wasn't hungry and knowing I was heading for a fondue party, eating for the sake of eating didn't seem like a good idea.

I stayed within range again, and the feeling of control was great. I'm still in the high enthusiasm, gung-ho stage. I casually remarked to a friend, "I saved up all my spare points for this," and my frined replied: "Oh, I'm totally forgetting about that tonight." I couldn't. It's always going to be something. But I didn't budge. When I was out of points, I switched from wine to diet coke, from celery sticks dipped in magnificent crab/seafood fondue to plain celery sticks.

Oh, BTW, if you're going to spend points at a fondue party, spend them on angel food cake dipped in white chocolate toffee swirl (hot, of course, this is fondue you know.) Was totally worth having nothing but warmed over edamame for lunch.

Today, I picked up Stella from a birthday party and was offered some spare cake and ice cream, and I happily turned it down. I am in control.

Chili for dinner tonight. With a big huge salad on the side. Yummy.
'tis the season to eat snackfoods
fill up yer belly, la la la la

We have a fridge full of snack stuff from a party that didn't happen yesterday due to a major snowfall. I should freeze it, but my garlicy hot artichoke dip is meant to be loved. So I told myself - one day. I could eat some yesterday, but then I had to stop

And so the affair is over. Me and my artichoke dip parted ways this morning and made room for healthy choices.

I shoveled a lot yesterday and burned off the calories. Good trade off.

Today's mantra: stay focused

Saturday, December 10, 2005

175.0. The new scale works.

I bought a scale a few weeks ago. It's been sitting in the box since then. I unwrapped it this morning and tried it out.

175.0. At first I thought it said 1750, and I was thinking "kilos? what is this?", but then I saw the decimal.

My goal is to be fit and healthy for life and to feel good about myself. I will give myself 1 year to lay the foundation. I will start today.

Thanks for inviting me to the "V'ron-a-Blog"!

Thanks for the invitation! I've been thinking about doing this myself for a while. By "this" I mean blogging about my quest to be fit and healthy. Blogging can be theraputic and can make you accountable. Blogging is also TOUGH. I work in the web industry, and following the trends, I've had a Blogger account since 2000 -- but in reality I haven't used it much. I had a Blogger blog for a while, but took it down. I also have 2 other blogs on another service (Movable Type/TypePad) but the main one - about my kids - is down right now. Blogging takes commitment and dedication. It also forces you to WRITE! Writing is hard work. I'll provide updated blog status when I get it all pulled together.

I'll try to post a few times a week, and always on "weigh-in" day - which for me is going to have to be Saturday morning. This is not ideal since Friday night is the best night to go out to dinner and have "a few", so we'll see how it goes. Back in the "WW / Weighties / Weight Watchers days", I attended the Tuesday meeting, but there was also a Saturday meeting. Saturday it is.

Friday, December 09, 2005

Thanks for letting me play

Thanks for letting me join in V'ron.

My dieting week starts on Fridays, as Thursdays are weigh-in night for me. Every week I start off with good intentions. I'm paving the road to hell quickly (and thoroughly!).

My goal through December is to maintain. Can I really expect much more? Perhaps, but I'm not willing to submit myself to the pressure or the dejection that comes with the failure, which is followed by consoling myself with food, which leads to more dejection... see the cycle?

Maintain.

Outside of "event eating", my goal is to stick to a really simple, low fat, clean diet. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Yeah.

But I'll keep trying. That's all I can really do, right?

I'm following Vron's lead. LEAD ME TO WATER AND MAKE ME DRINK!

The "worst" time of year for a diet? Not to start!

People look at you and they're amazed: "You're starting a diet now?" Yes. Why now? Because it's when I said I had to. It when that buzzer went off in my brain and said "No more finniting around. You have to do this." Its extremely inconvenient that we're coming up on the Christmas season, with all its temptation, especially since my Christmas season extends all the way to January 15. My company party is the first weekend (And they go all out); our family throws a party in mid-January for all our friends who are way too busy this month to socialize. (Many of us work in either the entertainment or professional services industries -- year end is a crazy time for us). I'm invited to a "fondue party" tomorrow night. There will be no celery sticks there.

But after my birthday yesterday, I suddenly realized the brilliance of starting this thing now. I got through yesterday well within range, and with points to spare, because I'm just starting. I'm all fired up and doing great and highly motivated. If I'd started this in earnest back in September, I'd be ripe for a slump. You can do a slump in February. Have a weekend of lasagne and chocolate cheesecake, gain two pounds, hit the gym and you're back. But if you're hitting a slump in December watch out. Cheesy artichoke dip (you can see the fat just floating on top.) Deep fried everything. Pastry Pastry Pastry. (I make a particularly darn good puff pastry appetiser that calls for a pound and a half of butter that people rave about. I take pride that I handmake my puff pastry myself. Martha Stewart would be proud of me.) Cookies! Fundraiser food! And everybody is always bringing stuff into the office, probably to get it out of their houses.

That's the brilliance of starting the diet now. I'm motivated. I'm high and giddy with my five pound kickoff loss this week. I'm tickled pink that I did not have one touch (well, a tiny sliver of that madeline cake, to get the buttercream frosting taste -- yes, I logged it!) of all that booty I laid out for my co-workers yesterday. Had I been on this plan for three months, I would have blown it via the slump.

I have to re read a previous post: All right kid, don't get cocky. I'm only in day 10 of this 45-day ordeal. Still, yesterday was a major success. Here's the best part: I don't feel deprived. Writing about how all that stuff wasn't my favorite really helped.

I just realized that I'm not going to be cynical, funny and pithy for every post. Good for me.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Today is my birthday... And I had to bring treats

There's a tradition at my job: when its your birthday, YOU bring treats for the staff. Its weird. Isn't is supposed to be that the birthday person GETS the treats, not gives them?

Nevertheless, major test day. I bought treats that most people like, but fall into the category of "I'll eat it because it's there" but I could do without. Mini cupcakes with those jimmies on them. I HATE jimmies. They're always stale. It's amazing how much crap I'd eat because it's there. Suzy's Cheesecake (I think that's a Wisconsin thing). It's good stuff, but its TOO rich. I prefer New York Style, the fluffier, cake-ier cheesecake. Suzy's is basically flavored cream cheese. Its really really good, but TOO rich. (I cannot BELIEVE I am saying this). Store bought deli cookies. Hate them. You know they're made with shortening instead of butter. Feh. And a little gourmet madeline cake with buttercream frosting. I love buttercream frosting, but I hate store bought cakes. They're too dry. Feh.

I'm sure all this stuff is delicious, but the point here being, is it WORTH blowing a great start for? No. I had to write the above denial. I get HUGE points for not doing what I usually do, and that's homebake this incredible Strawberry pretzel tort recipe my friend gave me (it involves pretzels, butter, cool whip, cream cheese, frozen strawberries, sweet and a touch of salty and crunchy and gooey and I could eat a whole pan of it) or the infamous "mock eclair" (cool whip, vanilla pudding, chocolate frosting, and a box of graham crackers; similar sweet vs touch of salty, crunch vs. gooey, only this time chocolate makes an appearance). Again, I would go back for seconds, thirds, fourths.

I'll check in later today with an honest assessment of how I fared. At least I didn't put the treats on the table next to my cubicle, as is the tradition. They're right outside my Size 3 boss' office.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

All right kid, don't get cocky

Wednesday is weigh in day for me. Dates back to old WW meetings which were Wednesdays. Wednesday is a good day to weigh in. You're far enough removed from the weekend to recover from weekend excesses. There are no excuses on Wednesday. You can't say "We'll I'm up because I had all that soda and chips from the Packer game yesterday." No, there is no excuse for bloat on Wednesday.

Anyway, 228.9! Down 5.1 from last week! Woo-Hooooooooo! Happy dance around the scale! I rock! But of course. It's the first week of an eating plan. You always drop a bunch. And my downfall is that I let it become an excuse to slack off. That's why I hear Han Solo in my head, as he's brushing off Luke Skywalker's "Woo Hoo" when he finally hits a target: "All right kid, don't get cocky." He's right you know.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Real vs. Simulated round 1

I'm in the IT industry, and as such, I have a general distrust for emulations or simulations. They never work out like the real thing. If you have an application that requires DOS, if you're not running a genuine DOS machine, don't trust a "DOS" simulator. (now why you just wouldn't just pay some consultant $2K to just re-write the thing in .net is beside the point).

But for some reason I always thought that those stairclimbing machines really worked you out as though you were climbing a flight of real stairs. Today I've got a packed schedule, and since I didn't work out yesterday, I was facing the fact that I was going to to two days without a workout. So on my lunch hour, I changed into my gym shoes and decided to just go up and down the stairs between my main building and the parking garage.

I'm here to tell you that flying away at Level 12 on a Stairmaster is not the same thing as dragging your 233 pound ass up and down some real stairs. Not in the least. WHEW!

Today is the first day of the rest of my life starting right with Total

Remember that ad? It was for Total cereal, and it was going through my head yesterday morning, as I began a diet, whoops, eating plan, that THIS TIME FOR SURE I am going to succeed at. I'm seeing a nutritionist, I'm done, I've had it with being fat.

I was thinking it this morning because I actually was eating Total cereal. Total Raisin Bran to be exact. Exactly 1 cup. With 1 cup milk. Total: 5 Weight Watchter points.

I'm making this a totally seperate blog, because I don't want The Sixth Station to be all clouded up with weight loss. I suspect my weight loss is only of interest to me and my friends and family. I'll put stuff on The Sixth Station when it really warrants it.

OK, here I go.

Baseline weight: 234.